DVD: Shrek The Third

I am a huge fan of Shrek and I don’t care who knows it. I saw the first film by chance and must have seen it dozens of times since. I never tire of it. Shrek 2 was more of a good thing and Shrek 3 hasn’t let the side down.
This time Prince Charming (he with the hair), is the baddie and a new character Arthur is the hero. The rest of the cast are there of course and the same actors take on the voices. For me, Shrek, Donkey, Fiona and Puss In Boots can only be played by Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz and Antonio Banderas. Their voices are now so familiar with these characters that you couldn’t imagaine them as anyone else. All the actors say that ‘Shrek’ is the film that the public associate them with most of all, and people of all ages just love these stories. There is a charm about ‘Shrek’ that other films can’t even begin to find. There are also jokes about bodily functions, plenty of farting, lots of little back ground things that you have to watch out for that just makes them very special. In Shrek 3 there is a poster of ‘Sir Justin’ in Fiona’s bedroom and you know that it’s meant to be Justin Timberlake, Cameron’s ex fella (he also voices Arthur in the film). Lots of little in-jokes like that are great to watch out for.
As always the storyline is good, the characters are familiar and lovable and the jokes are brilliant. On top of that the animation is second to none.
If you haven’t seen ‘Shrek’ then you have no idea what you’re missing.
Score Board: 10/10 Another one to add to my Shrek favourites.

DVD: Sister Act 1 & 2

It’s been a while since I have seen either of these films, but I’d forgotten just how much I enjoyed them. They are both ‘feel-good’ stories without the slush that other films seem to go in for (‘Under The Tuscan Sun’ please take note). Whoopie Goldberg delivers witty one liners with her usual charm and the music is actually very good. The story is pretty basic, involving a lounge singer (Whoopie) who witnesses a murder by her married lover. The police have to keep her protected and hidden until the trial date. She ends up in a convent and proceeds to cause mayhem among the unworldly sisters as well as training the dreadful choir into something decent. Of course they triumph over evil and everyone is happy.
In the second film Whoopie (Delores) is asked by the nuns to help out a failing school full of wild kids. She begins to teach them about music and singing and they are entered in a competition. They win, the school improves and hey guess what, everyone is happy.
Score Board: 10/10 Nice films with a dash of sisterly humour.

DVD: Stay Alive

This was supposed to be a scary film. I have seen more scary things in ‘The Tweenies’ and no I am not exaggerating.
As per usual it is based on a group of teenagers (yawn yawn) who get involved with a dodgy video game. This dodgy video game was based on the life of Elizabeth Bathory, the mad woman who bathed in the blood of virgins (apparently) to keep herself young. Elizabeth was bricked up in a tower to die after she was found out and she was not happy about it. Of course her last words were “I will return”. Yes dear, very original I’m sure. Anyway, as you play the video game and you mess up you are told ‘Game Over’. And guess what? The player ends up ‘Game Over’ in reality as well. Oh gosh I never saw that twist in the tale coming (not)! The deaths start to pile up before one of the brain cells of the oldest lad begins to function and he puts 2 and 2 together and makes 3. He and his trusty buddy and his girl then proceed to beat the game. Only the game gets fed up of this and ends up playing itself (more intelligent no doubt). Meanwhile our hapless idiots go and find Elizabeth’s grave which leads to a secret room which leads to other dark and dank secret rooms and also to Elizabeth who appears as a computerised type image. Elizabeth and her cronies get rid of one of our heroes and almost get rid of the girl but she unfortunately survives, as does our brain cell man. They defeat her and live happily every after. The game however takes on a life of its own and the last image you see is in a video game shop where ‘Fear Now’ is just starting to play on the screens. Inside that shop are a lot of teens. Teens with a passion for video games. It doesn’t take a genius to know what is likely to happen next. Zzzzzzzzz.
Score Board: 0/10 Total rubbish.

Book: Michael Crawford - Parcel Arrived Safely Tied With String

Let’s be honest here, what is the first thing you think of when you hear the name Michael Crawford? Frank Spencer. As much as Michael may get a bit peeved that his alter ego Frank has attached himself to him ever since the late seventies, it is without doubt also a form of flattery. The nation have made Frank and his clumsy ways a part of our culture, and there is no escape from him. Even now the next generation of kids know who Frank Spencer is.
Of course there is a lot more to Michael Crawford then you realise.
His story begins with the knowledge that his father (an RAF pilot) was not actually his father, it follows thorough his tough but basically happy childhood and his beginnings as an actor in the theatre. He started at a young age and worked himself up from the bottom to eventually star in some films with big names (Barbara Streisand in ‘Hello Dolly’ springs to mind), he did comedy, straight drama and anything in between. After a few appearances on a comedy show he was offered the part of Frank Spencer, but only because all the other choices refused to do it. Frank made him a household name and he even appeared at the Royal Vareiety Performance in the role. Apparently Her Majesty loved it.
Apart from ‘Some Mothers Do ‘Ave Em’ Michael also starred in the highly successful stage show ‘Barnum’. Famous for doing his own stunts this must have been an amazing show to watch seeing as it was based on a circus performer. After ‘Barnum’ along came Andrew Lloyd Webber’s ‘Phantom Of The Opera’. As Michael describes his experiences in this show you can’t help laughing out loud at all the things that went wrong. His writes in an easy manner, he obviously has a good sense of humour and he doesn’t make rude remarks about his fellow actors.
If you are familiar with the Frank Spencer stories (and who isn’t) you will notice as you read Michaels book that he used an awful lot of real life stories to play the character. I began to pick them out straight away.
This was a good book. I appreciate Mr Crawford far more now then I did before.
Score Board:10/10 Oooooh Betty! The cat's done a whoopsie in my beret!

Book: And It's Goodnight From Him: The Two Ronnie's Story By Ronnie Corbett

Liking the Two Ronnie’s is something else that people don’t admit to, but that’s because as a partnership they aren’t considered “cool”. Ronnie Barker’s solo projects are more acceptable, but poor little Corbett gets very little credit for what he has achieved.
Ronnie B and Ronnie C were an enduring partnership, they were very ‘British’ friends, they respected and liked each other but did not live in each other’s pockets. Ronnie Barker (as Gerald Wiley) wrote a lot of sketches for the show but he didn’t want people to know so that he wouldn’t be treated any different to any other writer, and he kept up this pretence for a long while, even keeping it from Ronnie C. It was only one day when the two Ronnie’s and their spouses were planning to have their favourite curry in their after show restaurant, that Ron B promised he would bring along the infamous Gerald Wiley. Of course he turned up with just his wife in tow and the rest as they say is history.
The Two Ronnie’s made over 90 episodes of their series plus all the solo efforts in between and many appearances at the Command Performance in front of the Queen, but it was still a shock when Ron B said he wanted to retire. Only Ronnie C knew the score until his partners news leaked out into the media. Ron B did a few more solo projects and was even persuaded to do a couple of new Two Ronnie shows, but everyone could see that he was no longer the rotund chap of yesteryear. Ron’s health deteriorated and it was no surprise to hear that he soon after had died.
Overall this was a well written and humorous account of one of the nations most loved comedy duos. Ronnie C was clearly very fond of his friend and has written from the heart. It’s not sickly sweet and there are no jealous pangs about Ron B’s success in his solo work, in fact Ronnie C was more then complimentary about his partner, saying he was the talented one. Personally I feel that maybe Ronnie C was right, Ronnie B was quietly talented and a very funny but a very humble man. Ron C was the more outgoing of the two, but as a comedy partnership, they were brilliant. You can knock them as much as you want, but show me a comedy programme these days that can pull in over 20 million viewers, every week.
Score Board: 9/10 Respect to the great man.

DVD: Black Adder Back & Forth

There are three items on this DVD. The first one is ‘Back & Forth’, the film shown at the Millennium dome on December 31st 1999. It’s Black Adder with a Time Machine and it’s quite funny. This is the first time I have seen it properly as I remember that I wasn’t all that impressed when I saw bits of it on the television. The story line involves Mr Adder and Baldrick going back in time to various eras. Dinosaur, Romans, Elizabethan etc. The Roman one is hilarious, featuring Stephen Fry with a ridiculously short pant showing ‘skirt’ and Hugh Laurie with an unflattering blonde wig on. Miranda Richardson returns as Queen Elizabeth I, Rik Mayall is Robin Hood and even Kate Moss and Colin Firth get in on the act. Tim Mckinnery and Stephen Fry play Wellington and side kick at the Battle of Waterloo and Black Adder comes along and squashes him just before he lets on about his brilliant battle plans. Hence when they finally return to Blighty they find that everyone is under French rule. Plus no-one has heard of Robin Hood or Shakespeare and it was Baldricks pants that killed off the dinosaurs. So they have to go back and right the wrongs. There is a twist at the end though.
The second item is ‘The Cavalier Years’. As the title says, it is set in the times of King Charles. Black Adder is his best pal and Baldrick the servant in the kitchen. The same sort of format as the other black adders but there is only really Stephen Fry as part of the supporting cast. The king is trying to escape his enemies and is staying in hiding with Black Adder until Baldrick lets the secret out of the bag. Stephen Fry plays the part of King Charles as our current Prince Charles. He uses his mannerisms to top effect. He’s actually funnier the Black Adder. However, it is good and I enjoyed it, though I can understand why Rowan did not want to do any more series of Black Adder. The jokes would have got stale. It is always best to go out with a bang, which is what he did.
The final item is just an extra where Tony Robinson videos what’s happening on the stage set for ‘Back & Forth’. It’s just a filler and not all that wonderful. Fry and Laurie are hilarious as always though.
Score Board: 7/10 For the Black Adder fan who has to have everything, otherwise you could live without it.

DVD: Mr. Bean's Holiday

I am not ashamed to say I love this film as much as I loved the first one. Rowan Atkinson is a comic genius. He doesn’t have to say a word yet still makes you laugh. I suppose that Mr. Bean as a character is an aquired taste but you can’t fault his success. Both films have made millions, so I think there are a lot of people out there who love it and have bought the DVD or seen the film but are too ashamed to admit it!
Basically it’s the story of Mr Bean who wins a holiday to Cannes in a raffle. On the way there he loses his bag, his pass port, his money, his tickets etc. etc. In addition he befriends a kid and a French actress. The final scene makes you go ”aah” as Beans holiday video wins the Cannes festival Award. It’s absolutely mad, he makes you cringe and you thank God that you don’t know of any Mr Beans in real life(or perhaps you do, I have one that springs to mind), but you can’t help but like him.
It’s a family film, it’s funny, it’s brilliant to watch on a wet bank holiday and I can’t fault it. It does exactly what it says on the box.
Score Board: 10/10 Suspend belief for a couple of hours. It’s worth it.

DVD: The Dark

This film is weird. I can’t really say much about it as I couldn’t really make out what was going on. It stars Sean Bean and the beautiful Isle Of Man scenery and revolves around the kid of a divorced couple. The Mum and this kid go to visit Dad in his remote hideaway and then the kid vanishes, supposedly drowned in the sea. Then this other kid shows up and is apparently a ghost that has re-emerged from the sea because a life has been given up for her. This kid is strange and the Mother knows it. She takes her back to the water and prepares to jump in drowning herself and the kid hoping that she can get her daughter her life back. She does get her daughter and they do go back and get washed up on the shore. Dad is thrilled that he has his daughter back but it seems Mum is dead but she doesn’t know it. She can see and hear everything that is going on but no-one can see her. Then she notices that her daughter is behaving a bit odd and it turns out that she is not her daughter. The weird kid is in her daughters body but her daughter has gone. Mum is left to her fate at the hand of the weird kids dotty father. It was well made, atmospheric and the acting was brilliant, but it was just odd. It is essentially a ghost film but there are a few yukky bits in it. Not awful you understand but there are a few blood drops shed here and there. The most scary thing about the film is the sheep with weird eyes. Enough to give you nightmares.
Score Board: 5/10 Not quite sure what to make of this one. Odd.

Book: Who Does She Think She Is? My Autobiography by Martine McCutcheon

I admit that Martine did annoy me somewhat on ‘Eastenders’. Her cockney sparra accent with that squeaky pitch just began to grate after a while, but her acting skills and her looks were undeniable. She played a perfect Tiffany and was no doubt one of the most memorable Eastender characters ever to grace the show.
The book is an honest account of her life and career so far and as it was published in 2001 it doesn’t cover her stage debut in ‘My Fair Lady’ or the rave reviews she got. In fact that’s where it finished, she had just got the role of Eliza, she was happy with her boyfriend and had just had a number one hit with her ‘Perfect Moment’ single. She had perfomed in the Albert Hall and her Eastend days were over. Martine was looking forward to a successful career. However, as this is a story about life things started to fall apart for Martine just after she had signed the last dot on her autobiography. Her boyfriend did the dirty on her, her stage performances suffered due to her ill health, she was knocked in the press and her second album flopped resulting in the loss of her recording contract. All this is worthy of another book!
But her story is a tough one and I grew to like Martine by the time I had finished reading the book. Her childhood was hell, beyond hell, and like Kerry Katona she was a survivor. She came through it with the help of a Mum who gave up whatever she could to get Martine a decent life. It was Martine’s talent that got her into the famous Italia Conti School but as the family had no money and the grant they had been promised was taken away by an uncaring council, it nearly didn’t happen for her. They managed to get a charitable sponser who paid the fees that saw Martine through the school. She did adverts, bit parts and various other projets while at the school and slowly began to work towards her dream of fame. Towards the end of her school days she joined a band called Milan and tried her hand at music. Milan was a disaster and got her nowhere. She had no choice but to take a job in ‘Knickerbox’ to keep the money coming. It was while she was working here that she got the call from her agent about the part of Tiffany in ‘Eastenders’. The rest as they say is history. She was hurt and upset when the BBC decided to kill Tiff off without consulting her, but she did say that she felt the character was becoming stale. It was a bit stupid of the BBC to kill her off though as there would have always been a part for Tiffany Mitchell, the public loved her.
Martine has suffered terribly with her health. Pneumonia, depression and Glandular Fever have not been good to her and although she said she was getting over their after effects at the end of her book, it was obvious that during the run for ‘My Fair Lady’ her problems came back to haunt her. Glandular Fever can stay in your system for years and it is only fair that she get sympathy. I admit I wasn’t impressed with her taking all that time off from playing Eliza, and then picking up an award for outstanding performance, but you should never read what Is in the press because it doesn’t give you the whole story.
I for one hope she gets back onto the showbiz radar because she undoubtedly is a talented young woman.
Score Board: 10/10. Down to earth, honest and likable. This book is worth picking up.

Book: The Wicked Ways Of Malcolm McLaren by Craig Bromberg

Mister McLaren, the guy who bought us the dreadful Sex Pistols, the awful fashions, the even more hideous Bow Wow Wow and of course his own terrible music. I read this book because it mentioned Adam Ant and Boy George on the cover, but in reality Adam and George were only mentioned quite briefly. I don’t believe that George or Adam are fans of McLaren and certainly didn’t contribute to the book. Most of it was about the Sex Pistols, a group (in the loosest terms) that just made me feel sick. They looked horrible, they sounded horrible and everything that they did was horrible. So come on tell me, what is so big and so wonderful about someone spitting on you? Why did these talentless twits ever get the status that they seem to have today? I just don’t understand it. They were supposed to be a revelation to music, more like a destruction if you ask me. They couldn’t play, couldn’t sing and got rid of the only person (Glen Matlock) who had any talent whatsoever. Sid Vicious blinded a girl in one eye because of his drink and drug taking, murdered his girlfriend and eventually killed himself with an overdose. Nice character. Johnny Rotten went on to other things but not before he had taken McLaren to court over misappropriation of funds. Apparently the Pistols didn’t make much money but Malcolm did. Hmmm Why am I not surprised?
Throughout the book it seemed that everyone Malcolm got involved with he ended up upsetting at some point. He isn’t exactly the most popular individual. I didn’t enjoy his story I’m afraid. It concentrated so heavily on the Pistols and as I didn’t like them it was going to be a bit of a washout from the first page. However I persevered and hoped that the book would get better when Adam Ant and Boy George made an appearance, but it didn’t.
Score Board: 0/10 Awful book, awful man.

Book: Freddie Mercury The Definitive Biography by Lesley Anne Jones

This is a biography of the late great Freddie Mercury, written by someone who obviously knew him quite well. Thankfully it was a warts and all story and not a fans account of someone who is a flawless icon who does no wrong. Freddie was no angel. He lived his life on the fast lane and it eventually killed him, but you can’t help but warm to the guy for all his faults. The book documents his childhood, his schooling and his first steps into music. It’s hard to imagine Freddie working on a stall in the market but that is exactly what he did. His steps to stardom were done the hard way, playing in various groups, getting nowhere, working the pub and club circuit for what seemed like ages until John Deacon, Brian May and Roger Taylor came together with Freddie to form Queen. Again it wasn’t instant, the band had to work hard before they got their record deal and like most new bands their first musical efforts failed miserably. However, their profile suddenly shot into orbit with the release of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. With the new video format just taking off Queen used it to the best of their advantage. The song was huge and Queen were here to stay. The book details all the tours, the recording sessions, the rows, the parties, the girls (and boys in Freddies case), the highlights and low points of Freddies career. One of the highlights had to be Queen opening the Live Aid concert in 1985. Without a doubt the best band of them all that day. To Freddie another highlight was his association with the opera singer Monserrat Cabballe. An unlikely pairing but it worked. The subsequent duet ‘Barcelona’ was a big hit and it was something Freddie remained proud of. It was no secret by now that he was ill and it was then that he disappeared from view. Behind all the gloss, over the top costumes and rock star lifestyle, Freddie was actually a very shy man. As he got older he preferred to stay at home with his beloved cats and his partner. He carried on writing songs until he was just too sick to carry on and then quietly passed away. The world still mourns his passing, he has become a legend and the music of Queen carries on to this day. This book details the life of someone worth reading about, a guy who really lived his life and gave us someone unique who will never be forgotten.
Score Board: 9/10 They don’t make rock stars like Freddie anymore. Read the book.

BOOK: Still Me by Christopher Reeve

The book begins with the terrible accident that robbed our superman of his powers. One minute he is riding his horse over a simple jump and the next he is lying in hospital paralyzed from the neck down. Unfortunately for Chris Reeve this wasn’t a scene from a film but real life. He is honest about what happened to him, he talked about the despair, the thought that he would be better off dead, the humiliation of having to be helped for the smallest of tasks, the sheer misery of feeling the “Why Me?” syndrome that accompanies these awful accidents.
Chris began the book with the accident and continued the aftermath all the way through, filtering in his childhood and first steps into film and television in between. Of course to many Chris Reeve was superman. He made the part his own and even though I personally can’t stand these American superheros (Superman, Spiderman etc.) I would be the first to say that he is the actor I think of whenever the word Superman is mentioned.
In real life he is a superman as well as he has done his best to overcome his physical problems. As he wrote the book he had bad times and good times. He did a lot for charity and even directed a film, but unfortunately not long after the book was published Chris died from complications relating to his condition. His wife, who had stuck with him through it all, also died a few years after her husband, from cancer. Such a sad ending for such a courageous couple. How his children coped with losing both their parents in such a short space of time is beyond our reason.
Overall this was a good book. Well written, heart felt and it does make you appreciate what you have.
Score Board: 9/10 – There is only one superman.

DVD: The Skeleton Key

This is a good old fashioned spook film. No blood, no guts, no naughty bits, just great acting, creaky staircases and the usual something’s-weird-in-the-attic-that’s-gonna-get-you type scenario. Without giving the plot away it’s basically the standard storyline of a young girl going to a house in the middle of nowhere to work as a care assistant. The house has a secret and the girl just has to go poking about and then all manner of strange things begin to happen. There is a twist in the storyline but if you pay attention you will figure out what that is within the first 20 minutes. That isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy the film because I did. It wasn’t so creepy it gave you the jitters, but it would be a good one to have on at Halloween.
Score Board: 7/10 Simple but good

DVD: Under The Tuscan Sun

A nice enough film if you’re 99 and stuck at home with bunions but this style of film isn’t for the likes of me. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s great if you’re into this Danielle Steele type of ‘chick flick’, but if you’re after some oomph in your films then forget this one.
Nice storyline, woman gets divorced, woman buys rundown house in Tuscany, woman gets man, woman loses man, woman gets another man, everyone loves her, life is perfect, a happy ever after ending. The End. No surprises, no shocks, no wow factor.
This is the reason it died at the cinema. There are too many films like this out there and saccharine sweet can only last so long before you vomit.
It’s well made, well acted by people I’ve never heard of, and would be ideal for ladies of an older age on a wet Sunday afternoon. One point I do have to make is that there was no need at all for the swearing at the beginning of the film and no need for the semi rude bits. They actually let the film down. Badly.
Score Board: 3/10 For the ladies only. Bring your knitting.