DVD: Shrek The Third

I am a huge fan of Shrek and I don’t care who knows it. I saw the first film by chance and must have seen it dozens of times since. I never tire of it. Shrek 2 was more of a good thing and Shrek 3 hasn’t let the side down.
This time Prince Charming (he with the hair), is the baddie and a new character Arthur is the hero. The rest of the cast are there of course and the same actors take on the voices. For me, Shrek, Donkey, Fiona and Puss In Boots can only be played by Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz and Antonio Banderas. Their voices are now so familiar with these characters that you couldn’t imagaine them as anyone else. All the actors say that ‘Shrek’ is the film that the public associate them with most of all, and people of all ages just love these stories. There is a charm about ‘Shrek’ that other films can’t even begin to find. There are also jokes about bodily functions, plenty of farting, lots of little back ground things that you have to watch out for that just makes them very special. In Shrek 3 there is a poster of ‘Sir Justin’ in Fiona’s bedroom and you know that it’s meant to be Justin Timberlake, Cameron’s ex fella (he also voices Arthur in the film). Lots of little in-jokes like that are great to watch out for.
As always the storyline is good, the characters are familiar and lovable and the jokes are brilliant. On top of that the animation is second to none.
If you haven’t seen ‘Shrek’ then you have no idea what you’re missing.
Score Board: 10/10 Another one to add to my Shrek favourites.

DVD: Sister Act 1 & 2

It’s been a while since I have seen either of these films, but I’d forgotten just how much I enjoyed them. They are both ‘feel-good’ stories without the slush that other films seem to go in for (‘Under The Tuscan Sun’ please take note). Whoopie Goldberg delivers witty one liners with her usual charm and the music is actually very good. The story is pretty basic, involving a lounge singer (Whoopie) who witnesses a murder by her married lover. The police have to keep her protected and hidden until the trial date. She ends up in a convent and proceeds to cause mayhem among the unworldly sisters as well as training the dreadful choir into something decent. Of course they triumph over evil and everyone is happy.
In the second film Whoopie (Delores) is asked by the nuns to help out a failing school full of wild kids. She begins to teach them about music and singing and they are entered in a competition. They win, the school improves and hey guess what, everyone is happy.
Score Board: 10/10 Nice films with a dash of sisterly humour.

DVD: Stay Alive

This was supposed to be a scary film. I have seen more scary things in ‘The Tweenies’ and no I am not exaggerating.
As per usual it is based on a group of teenagers (yawn yawn) who get involved with a dodgy video game. This dodgy video game was based on the life of Elizabeth Bathory, the mad woman who bathed in the blood of virgins (apparently) to keep herself young. Elizabeth was bricked up in a tower to die after she was found out and she was not happy about it. Of course her last words were “I will return”. Yes dear, very original I’m sure. Anyway, as you play the video game and you mess up you are told ‘Game Over’. And guess what? The player ends up ‘Game Over’ in reality as well. Oh gosh I never saw that twist in the tale coming (not)! The deaths start to pile up before one of the brain cells of the oldest lad begins to function and he puts 2 and 2 together and makes 3. He and his trusty buddy and his girl then proceed to beat the game. Only the game gets fed up of this and ends up playing itself (more intelligent no doubt). Meanwhile our hapless idiots go and find Elizabeth’s grave which leads to a secret room which leads to other dark and dank secret rooms and also to Elizabeth who appears as a computerised type image. Elizabeth and her cronies get rid of one of our heroes and almost get rid of the girl but she unfortunately survives, as does our brain cell man. They defeat her and live happily every after. The game however takes on a life of its own and the last image you see is in a video game shop where ‘Fear Now’ is just starting to play on the screens. Inside that shop are a lot of teens. Teens with a passion for video games. It doesn’t take a genius to know what is likely to happen next. Zzzzzzzzz.
Score Board: 0/10 Total rubbish.

Book: Michael Crawford - Parcel Arrived Safely Tied With String

Let’s be honest here, what is the first thing you think of when you hear the name Michael Crawford? Frank Spencer. As much as Michael may get a bit peeved that his alter ego Frank has attached himself to him ever since the late seventies, it is without doubt also a form of flattery. The nation have made Frank and his clumsy ways a part of our culture, and there is no escape from him. Even now the next generation of kids know who Frank Spencer is.
Of course there is a lot more to Michael Crawford then you realise.
His story begins with the knowledge that his father (an RAF pilot) was not actually his father, it follows thorough his tough but basically happy childhood and his beginnings as an actor in the theatre. He started at a young age and worked himself up from the bottom to eventually star in some films with big names (Barbara Streisand in ‘Hello Dolly’ springs to mind), he did comedy, straight drama and anything in between. After a few appearances on a comedy show he was offered the part of Frank Spencer, but only because all the other choices refused to do it. Frank made him a household name and he even appeared at the Royal Vareiety Performance in the role. Apparently Her Majesty loved it.
Apart from ‘Some Mothers Do ‘Ave Em’ Michael also starred in the highly successful stage show ‘Barnum’. Famous for doing his own stunts this must have been an amazing show to watch seeing as it was based on a circus performer. After ‘Barnum’ along came Andrew Lloyd Webber’s ‘Phantom Of The Opera’. As Michael describes his experiences in this show you can’t help laughing out loud at all the things that went wrong. His writes in an easy manner, he obviously has a good sense of humour and he doesn’t make rude remarks about his fellow actors.
If you are familiar with the Frank Spencer stories (and who isn’t) you will notice as you read Michaels book that he used an awful lot of real life stories to play the character. I began to pick them out straight away.
This was a good book. I appreciate Mr Crawford far more now then I did before.
Score Board:10/10 Oooooh Betty! The cat's done a whoopsie in my beret!

Book: And It's Goodnight From Him: The Two Ronnie's Story By Ronnie Corbett

Liking the Two Ronnie’s is something else that people don’t admit to, but that’s because as a partnership they aren’t considered “cool”. Ronnie Barker’s solo projects are more acceptable, but poor little Corbett gets very little credit for what he has achieved.
Ronnie B and Ronnie C were an enduring partnership, they were very ‘British’ friends, they respected and liked each other but did not live in each other’s pockets. Ronnie Barker (as Gerald Wiley) wrote a lot of sketches for the show but he didn’t want people to know so that he wouldn’t be treated any different to any other writer, and he kept up this pretence for a long while, even keeping it from Ronnie C. It was only one day when the two Ronnie’s and their spouses were planning to have their favourite curry in their after show restaurant, that Ron B promised he would bring along the infamous Gerald Wiley. Of course he turned up with just his wife in tow and the rest as they say is history.
The Two Ronnie’s made over 90 episodes of their series plus all the solo efforts in between and many appearances at the Command Performance in front of the Queen, but it was still a shock when Ron B said he wanted to retire. Only Ronnie C knew the score until his partners news leaked out into the media. Ron B did a few more solo projects and was even persuaded to do a couple of new Two Ronnie shows, but everyone could see that he was no longer the rotund chap of yesteryear. Ron’s health deteriorated and it was no surprise to hear that he soon after had died.
Overall this was a well written and humorous account of one of the nations most loved comedy duos. Ronnie C was clearly very fond of his friend and has written from the heart. It’s not sickly sweet and there are no jealous pangs about Ron B’s success in his solo work, in fact Ronnie C was more then complimentary about his partner, saying he was the talented one. Personally I feel that maybe Ronnie C was right, Ronnie B was quietly talented and a very funny but a very humble man. Ron C was the more outgoing of the two, but as a comedy partnership, they were brilliant. You can knock them as much as you want, but show me a comedy programme these days that can pull in over 20 million viewers, every week.
Score Board: 9/10 Respect to the great man.

DVD: Black Adder Back & Forth

There are three items on this DVD. The first one is ‘Back & Forth’, the film shown at the Millennium dome on December 31st 1999. It’s Black Adder with a Time Machine and it’s quite funny. This is the first time I have seen it properly as I remember that I wasn’t all that impressed when I saw bits of it on the television. The story line involves Mr Adder and Baldrick going back in time to various eras. Dinosaur, Romans, Elizabethan etc. The Roman one is hilarious, featuring Stephen Fry with a ridiculously short pant showing ‘skirt’ and Hugh Laurie with an unflattering blonde wig on. Miranda Richardson returns as Queen Elizabeth I, Rik Mayall is Robin Hood and even Kate Moss and Colin Firth get in on the act. Tim Mckinnery and Stephen Fry play Wellington and side kick at the Battle of Waterloo and Black Adder comes along and squashes him just before he lets on about his brilliant battle plans. Hence when they finally return to Blighty they find that everyone is under French rule. Plus no-one has heard of Robin Hood or Shakespeare and it was Baldricks pants that killed off the dinosaurs. So they have to go back and right the wrongs. There is a twist at the end though.
The second item is ‘The Cavalier Years’. As the title says, it is set in the times of King Charles. Black Adder is his best pal and Baldrick the servant in the kitchen. The same sort of format as the other black adders but there is only really Stephen Fry as part of the supporting cast. The king is trying to escape his enemies and is staying in hiding with Black Adder until Baldrick lets the secret out of the bag. Stephen Fry plays the part of King Charles as our current Prince Charles. He uses his mannerisms to top effect. He’s actually funnier the Black Adder. However, it is good and I enjoyed it, though I can understand why Rowan did not want to do any more series of Black Adder. The jokes would have got stale. It is always best to go out with a bang, which is what he did.
The final item is just an extra where Tony Robinson videos what’s happening on the stage set for ‘Back & Forth’. It’s just a filler and not all that wonderful. Fry and Laurie are hilarious as always though.
Score Board: 7/10 For the Black Adder fan who has to have everything, otherwise you could live without it.

DVD: Mr. Bean's Holiday

I am not ashamed to say I love this film as much as I loved the first one. Rowan Atkinson is a comic genius. He doesn’t have to say a word yet still makes you laugh. I suppose that Mr. Bean as a character is an aquired taste but you can’t fault his success. Both films have made millions, so I think there are a lot of people out there who love it and have bought the DVD or seen the film but are too ashamed to admit it!
Basically it’s the story of Mr Bean who wins a holiday to Cannes in a raffle. On the way there he loses his bag, his pass port, his money, his tickets etc. etc. In addition he befriends a kid and a French actress. The final scene makes you go ”aah” as Beans holiday video wins the Cannes festival Award. It’s absolutely mad, he makes you cringe and you thank God that you don’t know of any Mr Beans in real life(or perhaps you do, I have one that springs to mind), but you can’t help but like him.
It’s a family film, it’s funny, it’s brilliant to watch on a wet bank holiday and I can’t fault it. It does exactly what it says on the box.
Score Board: 10/10 Suspend belief for a couple of hours. It’s worth it.

DVD: The Dark

This film is weird. I can’t really say much about it as I couldn’t really make out what was going on. It stars Sean Bean and the beautiful Isle Of Man scenery and revolves around the kid of a divorced couple. The Mum and this kid go to visit Dad in his remote hideaway and then the kid vanishes, supposedly drowned in the sea. Then this other kid shows up and is apparently a ghost that has re-emerged from the sea because a life has been given up for her. This kid is strange and the Mother knows it. She takes her back to the water and prepares to jump in drowning herself and the kid hoping that she can get her daughter her life back. She does get her daughter and they do go back and get washed up on the shore. Dad is thrilled that he has his daughter back but it seems Mum is dead but she doesn’t know it. She can see and hear everything that is going on but no-one can see her. Then she notices that her daughter is behaving a bit odd and it turns out that she is not her daughter. The weird kid is in her daughters body but her daughter has gone. Mum is left to her fate at the hand of the weird kids dotty father. It was well made, atmospheric and the acting was brilliant, but it was just odd. It is essentially a ghost film but there are a few yukky bits in it. Not awful you understand but there are a few blood drops shed here and there. The most scary thing about the film is the sheep with weird eyes. Enough to give you nightmares.
Score Board: 5/10 Not quite sure what to make of this one. Odd.

Book: Who Does She Think She Is? My Autobiography by Martine McCutcheon

I admit that Martine did annoy me somewhat on ‘Eastenders’. Her cockney sparra accent with that squeaky pitch just began to grate after a while, but her acting skills and her looks were undeniable. She played a perfect Tiffany and was no doubt one of the most memorable Eastender characters ever to grace the show.
The book is an honest account of her life and career so far and as it was published in 2001 it doesn’t cover her stage debut in ‘My Fair Lady’ or the rave reviews she got. In fact that’s where it finished, she had just got the role of Eliza, she was happy with her boyfriend and had just had a number one hit with her ‘Perfect Moment’ single. She had perfomed in the Albert Hall and her Eastend days were over. Martine was looking forward to a successful career. However, as this is a story about life things started to fall apart for Martine just after she had signed the last dot on her autobiography. Her boyfriend did the dirty on her, her stage performances suffered due to her ill health, she was knocked in the press and her second album flopped resulting in the loss of her recording contract. All this is worthy of another book!
But her story is a tough one and I grew to like Martine by the time I had finished reading the book. Her childhood was hell, beyond hell, and like Kerry Katona she was a survivor. She came through it with the help of a Mum who gave up whatever she could to get Martine a decent life. It was Martine’s talent that got her into the famous Italia Conti School but as the family had no money and the grant they had been promised was taken away by an uncaring council, it nearly didn’t happen for her. They managed to get a charitable sponser who paid the fees that saw Martine through the school. She did adverts, bit parts and various other projets while at the school and slowly began to work towards her dream of fame. Towards the end of her school days she joined a band called Milan and tried her hand at music. Milan was a disaster and got her nowhere. She had no choice but to take a job in ‘Knickerbox’ to keep the money coming. It was while she was working here that she got the call from her agent about the part of Tiffany in ‘Eastenders’. The rest as they say is history. She was hurt and upset when the BBC decided to kill Tiff off without consulting her, but she did say that she felt the character was becoming stale. It was a bit stupid of the BBC to kill her off though as there would have always been a part for Tiffany Mitchell, the public loved her.
Martine has suffered terribly with her health. Pneumonia, depression and Glandular Fever have not been good to her and although she said she was getting over their after effects at the end of her book, it was obvious that during the run for ‘My Fair Lady’ her problems came back to haunt her. Glandular Fever can stay in your system for years and it is only fair that she get sympathy. I admit I wasn’t impressed with her taking all that time off from playing Eliza, and then picking up an award for outstanding performance, but you should never read what Is in the press because it doesn’t give you the whole story.
I for one hope she gets back onto the showbiz radar because she undoubtedly is a talented young woman.
Score Board: 10/10. Down to earth, honest and likable. This book is worth picking up.

Book: The Wicked Ways Of Malcolm McLaren by Craig Bromberg

Mister McLaren, the guy who bought us the dreadful Sex Pistols, the awful fashions, the even more hideous Bow Wow Wow and of course his own terrible music. I read this book because it mentioned Adam Ant and Boy George on the cover, but in reality Adam and George were only mentioned quite briefly. I don’t believe that George or Adam are fans of McLaren and certainly didn’t contribute to the book. Most of it was about the Sex Pistols, a group (in the loosest terms) that just made me feel sick. They looked horrible, they sounded horrible and everything that they did was horrible. So come on tell me, what is so big and so wonderful about someone spitting on you? Why did these talentless twits ever get the status that they seem to have today? I just don’t understand it. They were supposed to be a revelation to music, more like a destruction if you ask me. They couldn’t play, couldn’t sing and got rid of the only person (Glen Matlock) who had any talent whatsoever. Sid Vicious blinded a girl in one eye because of his drink and drug taking, murdered his girlfriend and eventually killed himself with an overdose. Nice character. Johnny Rotten went on to other things but not before he had taken McLaren to court over misappropriation of funds. Apparently the Pistols didn’t make much money but Malcolm did. Hmmm Why am I not surprised?
Throughout the book it seemed that everyone Malcolm got involved with he ended up upsetting at some point. He isn’t exactly the most popular individual. I didn’t enjoy his story I’m afraid. It concentrated so heavily on the Pistols and as I didn’t like them it was going to be a bit of a washout from the first page. However I persevered and hoped that the book would get better when Adam Ant and Boy George made an appearance, but it didn’t.
Score Board: 0/10 Awful book, awful man.

Book: Freddie Mercury The Definitive Biography by Lesley Anne Jones

This is a biography of the late great Freddie Mercury, written by someone who obviously knew him quite well. Thankfully it was a warts and all story and not a fans account of someone who is a flawless icon who does no wrong. Freddie was no angel. He lived his life on the fast lane and it eventually killed him, but you can’t help but warm to the guy for all his faults. The book documents his childhood, his schooling and his first steps into music. It’s hard to imagine Freddie working on a stall in the market but that is exactly what he did. His steps to stardom were done the hard way, playing in various groups, getting nowhere, working the pub and club circuit for what seemed like ages until John Deacon, Brian May and Roger Taylor came together with Freddie to form Queen. Again it wasn’t instant, the band had to work hard before they got their record deal and like most new bands their first musical efforts failed miserably. However, their profile suddenly shot into orbit with the release of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. With the new video format just taking off Queen used it to the best of their advantage. The song was huge and Queen were here to stay. The book details all the tours, the recording sessions, the rows, the parties, the girls (and boys in Freddies case), the highlights and low points of Freddies career. One of the highlights had to be Queen opening the Live Aid concert in 1985. Without a doubt the best band of them all that day. To Freddie another highlight was his association with the opera singer Monserrat Cabballe. An unlikely pairing but it worked. The subsequent duet ‘Barcelona’ was a big hit and it was something Freddie remained proud of. It was no secret by now that he was ill and it was then that he disappeared from view. Behind all the gloss, over the top costumes and rock star lifestyle, Freddie was actually a very shy man. As he got older he preferred to stay at home with his beloved cats and his partner. He carried on writing songs until he was just too sick to carry on and then quietly passed away. The world still mourns his passing, he has become a legend and the music of Queen carries on to this day. This book details the life of someone worth reading about, a guy who really lived his life and gave us someone unique who will never be forgotten.
Score Board: 9/10 They don’t make rock stars like Freddie anymore. Read the book.

BOOK: Still Me by Christopher Reeve

The book begins with the terrible accident that robbed our superman of his powers. One minute he is riding his horse over a simple jump and the next he is lying in hospital paralyzed from the neck down. Unfortunately for Chris Reeve this wasn’t a scene from a film but real life. He is honest about what happened to him, he talked about the despair, the thought that he would be better off dead, the humiliation of having to be helped for the smallest of tasks, the sheer misery of feeling the “Why Me?” syndrome that accompanies these awful accidents.
Chris began the book with the accident and continued the aftermath all the way through, filtering in his childhood and first steps into film and television in between. Of course to many Chris Reeve was superman. He made the part his own and even though I personally can’t stand these American superheros (Superman, Spiderman etc.) I would be the first to say that he is the actor I think of whenever the word Superman is mentioned.
In real life he is a superman as well as he has done his best to overcome his physical problems. As he wrote the book he had bad times and good times. He did a lot for charity and even directed a film, but unfortunately not long after the book was published Chris died from complications relating to his condition. His wife, who had stuck with him through it all, also died a few years after her husband, from cancer. Such a sad ending for such a courageous couple. How his children coped with losing both their parents in such a short space of time is beyond our reason.
Overall this was a good book. Well written, heart felt and it does make you appreciate what you have.
Score Board: 9/10 – There is only one superman.

DVD: The Skeleton Key

This is a good old fashioned spook film. No blood, no guts, no naughty bits, just great acting, creaky staircases and the usual something’s-weird-in-the-attic-that’s-gonna-get-you type scenario. Without giving the plot away it’s basically the standard storyline of a young girl going to a house in the middle of nowhere to work as a care assistant. The house has a secret and the girl just has to go poking about and then all manner of strange things begin to happen. There is a twist in the storyline but if you pay attention you will figure out what that is within the first 20 minutes. That isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy the film because I did. It wasn’t so creepy it gave you the jitters, but it would be a good one to have on at Halloween.
Score Board: 7/10 Simple but good

DVD: Under The Tuscan Sun

A nice enough film if you’re 99 and stuck at home with bunions but this style of film isn’t for the likes of me. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s great if you’re into this Danielle Steele type of ‘chick flick’, but if you’re after some oomph in your films then forget this one.
Nice storyline, woman gets divorced, woman buys rundown house in Tuscany, woman gets man, woman loses man, woman gets another man, everyone loves her, life is perfect, a happy ever after ending. The End. No surprises, no shocks, no wow factor.
This is the reason it died at the cinema. There are too many films like this out there and saccharine sweet can only last so long before you vomit.
It’s well made, well acted by people I’ve never heard of, and would be ideal for ladies of an older age on a wet Sunday afternoon. One point I do have to make is that there was no need at all for the swearing at the beginning of the film and no need for the semi rude bits. They actually let the film down. Badly.
Score Board: 3/10 For the ladies only. Bring your knitting.

DVD: The House Of Wax

What a load of old rubbish! Apart from the special wax effects and the wonderful demise of Paris Hilton, this was as enjoyable as a limp banana. Why do these people have to remake old classics and then add a mixture of bad dialogue, gruesome murders and dreadful acting? The guy from the fabulous Television series 'Supernatural' is in this and I think it was a bad decision on his part. One he should forget rather quickly. He was the only one of the cast who got waxed alive in the end, and he ended up melted. In fact the whole film melted. Who on earth let Paris Hilton in on the act for heaven's sake? The girl can't act to save her life (which she failed to do in this film) and the only part that she did with any conviction was wander around in her underwear, something she is used to doing in real life I expect.

The actual House Of Wax was quite brilliant though, everything was made of wax, the walls, ceilings, beds, food, stairs etc. and when the house went up in flames the actual melting was quite good. It was all real too, lots of artists had sat for days making all this stuff and then it got burned into a pile of goo!

Apart from that it was poop.

Score Board: 3/10 Avoid unless you want to see Paris in her smalls.

BOOK: Race Against Time - Ellen MacArthur

We all need heroes in this world and I think that Ellen MacArthur is one of them. What an amazing woman. There shouldn’t be anyone who doesn’t know who she is, but in case you have been living under a stone for the last few years I will remind you that she is the little lady who single handily whizzed around the world in her funny looking sailing thingy with B&Q written on the side. The book is basically her sailing log and because she writes in such an honest manner you feel yourself living her voyage. And what a voyage it was. At one point she was 5 days ahead of the world record, then as the weather worsened and the boat suffered set backs, she slipped back to just 5 hours lead. It was all edge of your seat stuff. Some of the things she endured were incredible. Winds, waves, hot sun, freezing ice and the loneliness of being out there on those huge oceans. When she was cold, wet and exhausted you felt for her, when she was ecstatic you were happy for her and when she managed to live her dream and win you cheered for her. Not only that but she was also a first rate engineer. Anything that went wrong with her boat she would have to fix it no matter how tough the conditions were, at times she was climbing masts in force 8 gales, at others she was pumping out freezing water. I can’t imagine how she managed to survive it all in one piece. Fantastic book. We should all read this just to understand what it is like to really achieve something the hard way.
Score Board: 10/10Amazing woman. You have my respect.

DVD: KES

I haven’t got much to say on this film except I hated it. It was depressing, grime ridden and grey. I remember attempting to read the book that this film was based on and I couldn’t get past the first chapter. I don’t know why I gave up on it as it was a long time ago but it must be the same reason that I almost gave up on the film.
For a start the main character is an obnoxious little brat who takes a baby Kestrel from its nest and keeps it captive. For that alone I disliked him immediately. His training of the bird just made me more mad. A wild creature should be flying free not being trained by some dirty little tee leaf. Half the scenes aren’t needed and the Yorkshire dialogue is so hard to understand I had to use subtitles. When the bird gets killed in the end I switched it off and almost chucked the whole thing in the bin, but I won’t. The DVD will end up in some charity shop somewhere and hopefully do some good by making a bit of cash, but I certainly wouldn’t give it house room.
Score Board: 0/10 A shocking waste of my time. Burn it.

DVD: The Exorcism Of Emily Rose

This is based on a true story. Depending on your point of view was Emily Rose killed by Demons who possessed her soul, or because of negligence on the part of the family priest who was taking care of her?
The film is set around the court room where the priest is accused of causing Emily's death. As with all court room dramas there is the side of the prosecution and the defence. What side you come down on is a personal issue. Emily was a healthy young woman who had everything to live for, but without warning she began having seizures, visions and rather pasty skin. Now as you would expect she was given pills, bed rest and a dose of afternoon television but this didn't work. Doctors and specialists came by the dozen but no cure was found. In the end her very devout family called in the family priest who claimed that Emily was not medically ill but was possessed by evil entities. An exorcism was carried out but she only got worse and in the end she died.
The film does not give you answers to unanswered questions, it only tells the story and lets you make up your own mind, but whatever the case Emily herself is considered a saint. Apparently her grave is visited by thousands of visitors every year who believe she had a vision of of the Virgin Mary who gave her the option to die in peace or to live and fight on. Emily chose to live, but ultimately she lost.
The film is good, but it isn't really horror. It raises questions, it's uncomfortable viewing at times and you have this whole good and evil thing going on, but whatever your views it is interesting simply because it is a true story. We will never know exactly what happened to poor Emily in her mind, but her story is one that will go on.
Score Board: Give it a go, but turn away when Emily starts eating spiders for dinner.

Book: The Secret Of Crickley Hall by James Herbert

James Herbert is the British equivalent of Stephen King, only better (in my humble opinion). Although James Herbert is considered a horror writer, I personally don't think that his work is all that horrific, a lot of his stories are supernatural based, involving spooks and things that go bump in the night. This rather weighty novel is no exception, and at 600 pages long it is really something to get your teeth into. However, unlike his rival Stepehen King, James does not waffle on and all those 600 pages are worthy of inclusion.
I love a good ghost story. Something you can curl up with in front of the fire on a winter evening and this book ticks all the boxes as far as I am concerned. You have the big haunted house, the restless ghosts , the mysterious opening doors, the cold draughts, the noises in the cellar and all those other 'haunted house' cliches that you know you love really.
The story is set in Devon, in a big old haunted house that was once used as a place of safety for evacuated children in the war. Only these kids came to a grisely end due to the fact that their governers were insane. As with all these stories there is the usual family that moves in not knowing that the house is not exactly Home Sweet Home.
I enjoyed the story, it was well written, well researched and the characters were likeable. The story moved along at a good pace and there was no pages of unnecessary waffle which spoil so many books these days. As I said before there is no really grotty bits, no axes, no blood and guts and no swearing, but it is still atmospheric and eerie. The house could have done with a dose of Evette Fielding and her 'Most Haunted' team which I am sure would have cured all it's ill's, but as it was, it was a perfect setting for a perfect ghost story.
It is well worth reading but one word of warning, don't read it in bed and then fall asleep because then there really will be something going bump in the night - your head when the book falls on it! Believe me I speak from experience! Get the paperback. It's safer.
Score Board: 9/10 Turn the lights off and enjoy!

Book: Rags To Richie by Shane Richie

If you only read one autobiography in your life then read this one. It is, without a shadow of a doubt, the BEST biography I have ever read. A book written with genuine warmth, humour and honesty which keeps you gripped from start to finish. I tried hard not to rush through it but I could not put it down.

Shane had never registered on my radar before he joined 'Eastenders', where he played lovable Alfie the barman in the Vic. His pairing up with Jessie Wallace as his screen wife was a match made in heaven. They lit up the screen and pushed the ratings up.Shane became a household name overnight. Before that though he was just a comic and I for one took no notice of him. It was his success in 'Eastenders' that prompted the book and I am glad it did as Shane's story deserved to be told. He actually lived and grew up in the same place I did (Harlesden in London), so when he was writing about his early life I instantly went into nostalgia mode. I walked the same streets that he did, caught the same buses that he did, went to the same local places that he did but (thankfully) did not have to suffer the school that he went to. Shane is my age so who knows, our paths may have even crossed one day. Shane didn't hang around in Harlesden though and before he was the legal age he managed to get himself a job in Pontins as a rep. The tale of the runaway tractor and the welcoming of the Isle Of Wight ferry had me in stitches as did pretty much all his escapades at that time. Later on he managed to get himself into 'Grease' the musical stage show by, yet again, using his gift of the gab. How he got away with some of this stuff is beyond me. He worked himself up into the role of Danny before too long and once at the top he decided to try something else and that's when 'Boogie Nights' came about. 'Boogie Nights' is again my era, a stage show set around 70's disco music. Shane co wrote the musical and starred in it for several years until he decided to try other things. Along the way he met and married Colleen Nolan,but with all lovable characters there is a bad side, and with Shane it seems he was a bit of a womaniser. While writing of his affairs and the upset it caused Colleen and his children, he is honest and up front about it all. He and Colleen eventually divorced, but even though what he did was wrong and downright cruel, you still cannot help but like this guy. He doesn't try and justify what he did and there are no excuses, so it is no surprise that now both Colleen and Shane are in happy relationships with other partners, they still remain the best of friends. Once you've been 'shaned' I think you stay 'shaned' for life.

I cannot praise this book highly enough. Engaging, naturally funny, sweet, charming and totally absorbing, it is worth every penny you spend on it. Shane. Write some more. NOW!

Score Board 10/10 plus some more. Totally Brilliant.

Book: Madonna Like An Icon by Lucy O'Brien

It is no secret that I am a huge Madonna fan so when this book came out recently I was the first to grab a copy. There have been a fair few biographies written on her Madgesty over the years and none of them are really outstanding, but that's because the authors have to rely on a friend of a friend of a friend who once knew Madonna's hairdresser, or the billions of newsprint that's been used writing about her Megastardom lifestyle. These books have either been on the negative side or too far on the positive, but Lucy O'Brien seems to have hit the right balance, portraying Madonna as good, bad, beautiful and ugly. This is only fair, as let's face it, Madonna is a bit of a madam sometimes! The story starts off normal enough in downtown Michigan where the author begins the trail of Madonna. It goes through each stage of her life with lots of interviews from people who have worked with her (Niki Harris her back up singer and (now ex)friend, various producers and songwriters etc.) but there is no imput from anyone really close to Madonna. I don't think I have learnt anything new about her from this book, but I did feel myself cringing on occasion when the author highlighted some of Madonna's moments when she was rude, bad mannered and sourfaced. Madonna is a tough cookie when it comes to work and she does not suffer fools gladly so beware the person who gets on the wrong side of her. But, on the other hand she works hard, is professional and she is extremely intelligent. A few insights in the book from people that have worked or stayed with Madonna mentioned that she is a voracious reader and knows more then anyone gives her credit for. What the general public forget is that she not only sings the songs, but she writes or co writes them and in many cases co produces them as well. All her studio buddys say she takes on the full role in making a Madonna record, she is not writer and producer in name only. The author highlights Madonna's creativity and energy which she uses to the full in her amazing stage shows. Like me, Lucy O'Brien was at Wembley during the Confessions Tour, and like me she was knocked breathless by it. Overall this is a good book for a fan and an excellent book for a general reader with an interest in the lives of the rich and famous. There were a few niggles with some of the facts, but I enjoyed it. The author has done her homework and she has done Madonna proud with this book, but, in the end it is a biography only. Biographies have to rely on what is available and what is available is not always correct. I still do not know the real Madonna. The only person who can tell us about her is Madonna herself.
Score Board: 10/10. A good solid resume of Madonna's life. Recommended

DVD: SAW III (2006)

Saw III is gruesome. There is no other word to describe it, but in this world of rubbishy, blood soaked horror films, this particlar one has to be applauded. Its storyline and the wonderful twist at the end are far superior to any so called 'horror' film that hits the cinemas these days. Personally I have grown out of the scary film phase. I used to love them but now I would rather see something that has a genuinely spooky atmospheric story line. 'Saw III' doesn't really do the atmospheric bit but it is certainly edge of the seat stuff. Whoever wrote this must have one hell of a twisted mind. Right at the beginning when 'Saw I' hit the cinemas, I didn't fancy it, it looked like the usual gore splattered special effects nonsence that is so ruining the spooky films of today. You automatically think it is some crazed nutter going around sawing peoples bits off but it isn't. I ended up watching it after a recommendation and I have to say I was pretty open mouthed all the way through. There IS a murderer but he doesn't actually murder anyone by his own hands so he's not the nutcase with the saw that I envisaged. He's a clever nutcase who plays games with his 'guests'. Sounds simple, but you just have to see it to understand what it's all about. Usually the sequels to these sort of films are a waste of space but 'Saw II' lived up to expectations and more twists and turns were thrown in as well as some really awful 'games' that made you squirm in your seat (needle pit anyone?). 'Saw III' carries on the story and adds even more nasty playtimes and gives you some more squirming moments. I didn't see the twist at the end and when it came it does actually leave you with an open mouth. 'Saw III 'had more blood in it then the other two films but I wouldn't say it was unjustified in this case. It is overall a very clever trilogy of films. More in line with the classic 'Seven' (film starring Brad Pitt) then 'Nightmare On Elm Street', at least the characters are believable and the nutcase actually has a reason why he's playing with his victims. Not only that but if you manage to pass his tests then you can go free, and it has happened. He's not unreasonable you know.

As good as it is, I have to say, if you are a wimp then it's best not to watch it.

Score Board: Very good but don't eat your dinner beforehand, especially if it's pork. 9/10

Book: If I Was - Midge Ure (2004)

Who can forget the moody intro to the Ultravox hit ‘ Vienna ’? It sums up the early electronic 80’s like no other song at the time. I always remember the lead singer, Midge Ure, with his rather dapper raincoat and funny little moustache wandering through the grey rain soaked streets of Vienna singing his little heart out. I picked up the book (which was in a sale) because in my advancing years I have a yearning to find out what had happened to all those bands and singers I used to like way back in my youth. With Midge’s book I wasn’t disappointed as he referred to his contemporaries all the way through. I don’t think he was too impressed with Paul Weller as he referred to him as a misery, but I can’t say I’m too surprised about that because he is. Overall though he wasn’t in any way ‘bitchy’ and his book was a good solid account of his early life in Glasgow up until the present day. It pretty much follows the same format that most autobiographies do and the childhood, schooling, first loves, first jobs and first bands are detailed and well written. The band that finally got him recognition was of course the moody Ultravox. Midge was asked to join after John Foxx the lead singer departed to go solo. This was a blessing in disguise for the band as before Midge they hadn’t been exactly mainstream and success was bypassing them somewhat. Midge, to be fair, was a good front man as he had the voice and the look that fitted the moment. The success followed and inevitably he branched out into other projects to stretch his wings. One of these efforts was Visage. Visage was fronted by Steve Strange the very colourful individual with a lack of talent. Midge wrote their more memorable hits (‘Fade To Grey’ for example) for the band but when Mr. Strange got a bit too big for his pixie booties, Midge decided to leave them to it. Not long after that Visage came to an end. I think the one thing that still rankles with Midge is that despite being one half of the team who wrote the hugely successful Band Aid single, he is much overshadowed by Bob Geldof, the other half of the partnership. Bob has a big mouth and Midge hasn’t, that’s the only difference. After Band Aid, with Ultravox on the wane, Midge went solo. He never really regained his footing in the charts though and went through some hard times coping with it, surprisingly he admitted to being an alcoholic. To look at him you wouldn’t guess it but I admire his honesty. He is still battling with that problem even now, but his life seems to have mellowed and taken an easier route as he has got older and he is just writing and enjoying his music and playing to smaller audiences. I wish him well, he sounds like a nice guy.
Score Board: 8/10 a good, well written book that will take you back to the 80’s (bliss)

DVD: The Platinum Collection - Shania Twain

I am not what you call a Shania fan, but I will admit to liking some of her more ‘poppy’ efforts. This collection covers all her major promotional videos for her hits (and believe me she’s had a few) from her first album up to her mega selling ‘Come On Over’ release. The first videos show a pretty country gal with a lovely voice. Her music is pure country and western at this point and to be honest I am bored solid after the first four tracks. ‘Any Man Of Mine’ and some sloppy numbers by pass me in a haze and I hate the dreadful ‘You Win My Love’ which has Shania go karting around a track and waving a flag in a studio. ‘Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under’ is also pure C&W and the video is a tragic waste of 4 minutes. She just wonders around a greasy Joes café in a posh frock and sings to all the men. ‘If You’re Not In It For Love (I’m Outta Here)’ is a catchy tune but again it’s a bad video. Shania has obviously discovered stylists and her over glossed lips and shiny hair are well in evidence, as are a bunch of extras who are all singing along with her and fighting for the limelight. Yes. Very original I’m sure. The one C&W tune I do like is ‘No-one Needs To Know’. A simple little sing along without any gloss. The video is set in a tornado path for some reason but Shania’s hair doesn’t move an inch!
‘The Woman In Me (Needs The Man In You) Is a dull overlong ballad which was filmed in a sort of desert scene with sheiks and mysterious horseman running around everywhere. Shania meanwhile wanders about with a scarf. Some of the more recent hits such as ‘You’re Still The One’ is filmed at dusk in a moody setting, no story theme attached just a showcase for Shania’s face. Nice song though.
‘Love Gets Me Everytime’ seemed to have been filmed when she was having some photos taken and there are a few little gems where she is in her slippers without a hint of make up and a crummy old dressing gown. Other then that the video is just a lump of cheese.
The big ones are here ‘That Don’t Impress Me Much’ and ‘Man! I Feel Like A Woman’. Both very professional and very different from the cute little country girl with the scrubbed face in her first videos. In ‘Impress’ she is dressed in a leopard print outfit while wandering through the desert turning down lifts with various men who don’t impress her much. She is SO overmade up you can barely recognise her.
In ‘Man!’ she spoofs the Robert Palmer video for ‘Addicted To Love’ with the girls on guitars replaced by men. Shania herself is in a sexy little short skirt, mans shirt type thing and pouts a lot at the camera as she disrobes the various layers. Don’t worry her modesty is protected, she only goes so far. After all this is Shania! This is probably the best video of the bunch for me.
‘Don’t Be Stupid’ is just plain weird. Riverdancers and fiddlers (with Shania) doing their stuff underneath a load of water sprinklers. This is the second video where she has got soaked in the name of her art. The other one was a ballad about some chaps heart not being at home anymore.
One of the most beautiful videos is ‘From This Moment On’ where she is all dressed up in an Indian sari. She looks stunning. It was filmed in a hotel corridor would you believe but the best bit is at the end when she tries a door to a locked room and pulls the handle off! I don’t think this was in the script but good on them for leaving it in.
During the glossy videos there are a couple of songs where she has been filmed live, ‘Come On Over’ and ‘Honey I’m Home’. The girl can sing that’s for sure. The final live piece was ‘We’re Gonna Rock This Country’ which she must have performed at some stadium before a baseball match or something. The crowd looked a bit bored.
In all this is a pretty wonderful collection for a fan. I was glad I had a chance to take a look but I don’t want to repeat the experience. It’s all a little too sweet and sickly for me.
Score Board: For fans only 7/10

Book: Fighting Back - Frank Bruno (2005)

Bruno was the archetypical British sporting hero, a lovable gentle giant who seemed totally harmless until you put him in a boxing ring. This book does not destroy this image of him, even with his unfortunate fall from grace a couple of years ago he is still a lovable character. The writing is simple and to the point. Franks happy childhood and home life are explained and his start in the boxing ring. Pretty much all his major fights are discussed in detail and his feelings when he lost or won them. Boxing was this guys life. He lived and breathed it and he was no doubt good at what he did, but it comes across to me that boxing just ends on a downer. You get hit just one time too many and that’s the end. Frank nearly didn’t make it into the sport at all because of a dodgy eye problem but he did get it sorted out for long enough to carve a successful career, in the end however, it caught up with him and he retired.
His dramatic fall from grace a few years ago is dealt with in the first chapter of the book. Frank writes it as only he can, in an honest, heart-on-his-sleeve kind of way. The problem stems from a bout of depression. Franks career was over, his days of glory were gone and he felt he had let his beloved British public down by losing his last title. It is no wonder that when his behaviour became erratic his wife Laura decided to take the kids and herself away for safetys sake. Frank, lovable as he may be, is a huge man with huge fists. The tabloids made a big thing of him swinging those fists towards his wife but I doubt that very much. They still see each other regularly and they seem to be getting on better as friends rather then partners. The whole sorry episode of his illness makes sad reading and you cannot help but feel for him. The British tabloids loved every second of his “Barmy Bruno” episode, but it obviously hurt Frank a great deal. He is still reeling from it. At the end of the book he is slowly picking himself up and getting on with life, but as he said, it looks like panto every year is about all that he can hope for. I mean, that’s quite heart breaking when you think about it. He was a great fighter, but so was Mike Tyson and you don’t see him playing the fairy godmother in Grimsby’s production of ‘Cinderella’ do you?
Score Board: Too short, too thin but worth a read 6/10

Book: Too Much Too Young - Kerry Katona (2006)

Kerry is the ultimate Celebrity CHAV. Gobby, loud, in your face and on every cover of every gossip magazine in the country. She comes across as a trashy madam who loves being the centre of attention but after reading the first chapter of her book I am surprised she is still standing.
Her childhood will shock you and as she recounts every bruise, every foster home, every fight her so called parents had and every suicide attempt by her mother, it makes you respect the fact that this girl is a true survivor. Yes she has problems, she suffers from depression, like her Mother did, but depression is an illness and Kerry has had an awful lot to be depressed about. OK so she had some great moments too when she was in Atomic Kitten but she left just before they really hit the big time. Even then she was the one that the record company wanted to get rid of out of the group. When she married Westlife member Bryan McFadden and had her children, she said she was the happiest she had ever been. Bryan soon destroyed her happiness however and she started to go off the rails. There is no doubt this woman has been through more forms of hell then most of us, she comes across as a loud mouth but underneath she has little confidence in herself or her abilities as a performer. She gets by on her personality alone and this is what won her the ‘I’m A Celebrity’ title of ‘Queen of The Jungle’.
There’s a lot to dislike about Kerry Katona, but there’s a lot to like as well. She finished the book on a high note when she was about to remarry, but several months down the line and it all seems to be going wrong for her again. She’s in and out of rehab and Bryan is threatening to take her kids away from her. It seems that the Kerry story is set to run and run.
Score Board: A true tale of survival 9/10

Book: My Take - Gary Barlow (2006)

I admit that I was never a Take That fan, but if I had to choose between them, Westlife and Boyzone, then there is no competition. It will be Take That every time. When they announced their big comeback I took no notice but when their new songs began to worm their way into my head, I had to admit I was a bit surprised. I had read a couple of Robbie Williams biographies and heard his side of things about the well documented break down of relations between him and his band mates, but I wanted the other side as well.
Gary’s book starts off with him just being told he has lost his record contract. You have to feel sorry for him (well I did). After this rather downbeat start he began his story. It’s the usual tale of a very talented youngster writing and playing his own music. He joins a band, he thinks he’s the king pin and alienates his band mates with his behaviour. As you read all this you start to dislike Gary Barlow, but as he writes and explains what happened after Take That had split up, at how hard he tried to make it as a solo star and how depressed he got when everything failed so miserably, you start to warm to him again. When the group got back together he admitted that he had been awful to work with. Once the air had been cleared with Mark, Jason and Howard, things started to look up. Now all the band take a part in writing the songs and making decisions, not just Gary. They are all enjoying their new found success and I believe their time in the wilderness has made them appreciate things more. Obviously too they are a lot older and wiser. Gary’s book is a good, honest read, and he hasn’t glossed over any negative bits and for that I salute him. Shame he and Robbie can’t bury the hatchet and make good music together. With Gary’s musical talent and Robbie’s stage persona, they would be perfect.
Score Board: Informative and Honest 9/10

Book: Broken Music - Sting (2004)

Sting, without a doubt, is a very educated man. It shows clearly throughout his autobiography that the man has indeed mastered the English language to its full potential. However, I don’t think I am completely stupid when it comes to English and when I read a book and come across a word that I don’t know, I will look it up in a dictionary. While reading Sting’s book I was forever looking up words. After a while this can get a bit annoying. Yes it’s great that you are intelligent (well he was a teacher), but your book isn’t the easiest read in the world.
It clearly states on the cover that this is not an autobiography in the normal sense as it covers just the author’s childhood up until the start of his huge success with his band The Police. It starts very strangely however, with Sting and his wife Trudie in the Brazilian jungle, being given some potent hallucinogenic juice that makes Sting ramble like a nutcase. I admit to getting a bit lost throughout all this insane rambling, but when he began on his actual childhood memories I got into his story. He writes in detail about his schooling, his first loves, jobs and family. The death of his parents is very moving as is the first meeting of his first wife Francis Tomelty. But I came away from the book feeling cheated as he seemed to rush the ending. His divorce, the appearance of Trudie Styler, and of course his fame, was all condensed into a short chapter, as if he had got bored with writing and just wanted it finished.
I know that there is a lot more to be written on Stings life. His fame, his solo work, his travels and his charity work have yet to be charted and I for one would like to read his thoughts on them. So come on Sting, time to sharpen those pencils and get writing.
Score Board: Good effort 7/10

Film: Miss Potter (2007)

Now this is a lovely film. Gentle, heart warming, charming, well acted and beautifully filmed. The Miss Potter of the film is, as you already know, Beatrix Potter, she of the rather gorgeous little children’s books featuring Tom Kitten, Jemima Puddle duck and my personal favourite Squirrel Nutkin. I’m in my 40’s and I am not ashamed to say I loved those little books. My Mum used to buy me a new story every Christmas and they were read over and over again. However, I knew nothing of Beatrix Potter herself. I always imagined her to be a little old spinster in a cottage on a hill somewhere, but this film takes you behind the scenes of the Potter Phenomenon. The title role was brilliantly played by Renee Zellweger, who is one American who CAN master a decent English accent. She brought Beatrix to life, and her ability to play a plain Victorian woman who suffered both happiness and great sadness in her life was very impressive. Without giving any secrets away this is a love story. In places it makes you smile, it makes you cry and overall it makes you go “aww that’s so sweet” a lot.
This film will be around for a long time, one of those that will be wheeled out at Christmas or on a Bank Holiday because it has what so many films these days lack, the feel good factor.
Beatrix, we love you (and Squirrel Nutkin). ‘Miss Potter’ is a thoroughly heart warming, heart wrenching, heartfelt film.
Score Board: Brilliant. Go and watch it immediately 10/10

Film: The Amityville Horror (2005)

Now just whose brilliant idea was it to remake a classic 70’s horror film? I can’t understand why this has to happen time and time again. It simply does not work, at least not for me.
The original Amityville was eerie, full of menace and with heaps of atmosphere. There were very few scenes of blood and gore, well just one in fact and even that was in a blink of an eye.
Unfortunately this remake has the non essential gore that seems to be a requisite of today’s modern horror film. Torture scenes, close ups of the original murders, axes in places you wouldn’t want them to be and a few other bits I won’t bother to go into. What it lacks more then anything is atmosphere. Yes it has its scary moments, the ghostly faces in the mirrors and the figures at the windows are quite good, but there are no cold draughts, no moments when the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. During the original film I was genuinely spooked, the music alone was enough to have you hiding behind the sofa, but this version omitted everything that was good about it. The character of the priest was central to the Amityville story, but not in this film, he had a couple of scenes and that was it. The same with George’s business partner, he (and his girlfriend) were omitted completely.
I can’t complain about the acting as the adults and the kids were very good, but I was frankly disappointed. I didn’t expect much and I didn’t get much. It is what it is, a mediocre special effects remake of a genuinely scary film.
Score Board: Not a patch on the original. Avoid 4/10

Book: Catch A Fire - Melanie B (2002)

The Spice Girls were good in their day. I was a bit beyond the girl power thing so I didn’t take an awful lot of notice of them, but you could not ignore their fame. They were everywhere. Unusually for a group where there is normally a front person who is more ‘famous’ then his or her band mates, the spice girls were all equally loved and adored by the fans. There was not one more famous then the other. I had read Geri Halliwell’s honest account of what went on behind the scenes so I was interested to read another band members view. The first book to come my way was Mel B’s. There is nothing much worth mentioning about her story to be honest as it starts with her happy enough home life and childhood and went on to her days of being a dancer in various shows at the end of Blackpool Pier (or similar). She auditioned for a new band and the rest as they say is history. However, Mel B comes across as a big mouth show off. Not really my sort of person at all. She really did live up to her Scary Spice image at every opportunity. I am sure that this girl, should I have been unlucky enough to be at school with her, would have been a bully as this is how she comes across. I think she tries too hard with this girl power thing and I cringed every time she mentioned the phrase (which was a lot believe me). I don’t think she treated people very well, and there is no doubt the break up with Geri was glossed over. Having read Geri’s very honest account of what happened I sort of know what the feelings were at the time amongst the girls and it was Mel B who was the nastiest to Geri. To be fair, Mel did say at one point in her book that she knew she was being a bit of a “cow” sometimes but I think she should have gone further and said that she’d been a bit of a cow pretty much for most of the time.
It is as if she writes her story being proud of her big mouth and nasty ways, maybe she really does want to stay as scary spice forever. Well, I’m sorry lady but you just don’t do it for me.
Score Board: A stressful read. You just wanted to keep giving her a kick up the bum. 4/10

Book: Being Jordan - Katie Price (2004)

I admit that in the past I have often wondered to myself, just what IS the point of Jordan? I suppose a lot of her male fans will immediately say that there is in fact two very good points to Jordan but I am not referring to her anatomy here! However, no matter what I may have thought of her trashy image, I still believed that she did have a life worth reading about and that it may be quite entertaining to read her book. When I had finished the first page I was hooked. She writes in such an engaging manner that you cannot fail to become engrossed in the story of her life. Whatever she writes you believe it because this girl wears her heart on her sleeve for everyone to see and abuse. She said she had a good childhood but from the early photos of her you could also see that with her looks and her rather outgoing nature, she was destined to be a model. Underneath all that make up and hair extensions, Jordan (or Katie Price as she should be called) is a very beautiful woman. She comes from a very good looking family and she has learnt to use her face to gain the fame she craved. Her story is pretty much run of the mill with pretty girl getting her lucky break in the modelling world, but the story is livened up by her rocky relationships. She picks the wrong fellas time after time and you almost hear yourself shouting at the book “No Katie! Don’t pick him as he will be no good for you!”. Inevitably she ends up in this awful relationship where it all goes wrong and she ends up depressed and unhappy. At one point she tried to commit suicide in order to keep her man but it didn’t work (thankfully). She can’t seem to help herself, and up until the time she met Peter Andre (now her Husband), she went through some rough times with men. One of which fathered her son Harvey. Now this is where my opinion of Jordan / Katie changed. Harvey is a severely disabled child. He needs a lot of care but Katie has become a first rate mother.
I ended up liking the woman and I never thought I would say that. She hasn’t really set the world alight with anything but she does have a charm all of her own. Her book was enjoyable, it is one of those you can’t help but keep turning over the page to find out ‘what Katie did next' (excuse the pun).
Score Board: Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. 10/10

Book: Justin: The Biography by Sean Smith (2004)

The trouble with these so called biographies is that the author relies on friends of friends, ex girlfriends and people who knew Justin at school or from a distance. There is no sit down with the subject and learn about him first hand. Justin and his family had nothing to do with this book so everything I read I read with a slight hint of cynicism. This author in particular seems to take most of his information from the media and the press which as we know are not the most reliable of sources. It is also irritating when the subject is written about like he or she is some kind of demi God. According to Mr. Smith Justin is the new ‘King Of Pop’. He is likened to a young Elvis and even to the Blues Legend BB King. Now I am sorry but there is no way Justin Timberlake is ever going to be in the same league as Elvis and BB. He can dream if he wants to but it just isn’t going to happen. Right now he is a popular pop pin up. That is what he will always be. No offence to the guy but if he was the new ‘King Of Pop’ then why have I totally forgotten everything he has ever done? I could only name you one song of his and that’s ‘Cry Me A River’ and I only remember that because of the notorious ‘Britney’ video’. Ask me to hum it and I would fail. I don’t dislike the guy, but I really cannot stand his type of music, but that aside I do wish that Sean Smith would balance his biographies a bit more. I also read his bios of Kylie and Robbie and they were so saccahrin sweet they made you want to vomit. Robbie, Kylie and yes even the “perfect” Justin have had bad moments. They have all made mistakes, had flops and looked ridiculous. If you write a book on a popular celebrity then write it with warts and all. I want to know about that person, I don’t want to have some glossy PR effort that only lists the best achievements of the artist in question. So, overall did I learn anything new about Mr Timberlake? No. Everything I read in this book has been written about a million times in the press. The writing is as shallow as a stream in a desert. Disappointing. It wasn’t even worth the 99p that was paid for the book.
Score Board: For hard core fans only. 2/10

Introduction

This is a blog that does exactly what it says on the tin. Every book I read, every film I see and every CD I listen to will get reviewed. My opinions will be shared on here.